Conscious Parenting Encourages The Child’s Natural Development

Lia has started swimming classes just before turning 4 months. The compelling proposition was that babies have innate water-friendly abilities and reflexes that will aid their development as a water baby. After all, they were immersed in fluid for 9 months!

Coach Wan from Happy Fish taught me a valuable lesson in developing a child’s abilities.  She propped Lia onto her shoulder, faced upwards, and bounced gently in the water so that Lia floats on her back.

She shared:

“Lia is small (size and age); we want to take advantage of this by getting her used to her buoyancy. This way, she won’t struggle with floating once she’s learnt to sit upright because she’s familiar with remaining horizontal in the water.”

She went on to explain how new skills are imparted through taking advantage of each stage of a child’s development.

This means that as parents, being present and aware to our children helps us to recognize where they are at in their development right now, as well as their strengths and their personality, and to take advantage of that to help them learn and embed new capabilities and understanding.

It means not forcing them beyond their current stage of development to attempt to cram advanced logics and concepts in hopes that they learn more, faster.

It means, being at peace with who they are now and encouraging that, instead of forcing them into being the concept of someone you’d like them to be.

Conscious Parenting Encourages The Child’s Natural Development

Conscious Parenting Is About Raising Ourselves Before Our Children

  • I fully accept that parenting is about raising myself, not my child.
  • I realize that the onus for change lies solely with me, not my child.
  • I am aware that my struggles are reflections of inner conflicts.
  • I will transform each challenge into a question that asks, “What does this say about me?”

~ “Affirmations To Raise Oneself”, The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary

Conscious Parenting Is About Raising Ourselves Before Our Children

Conscious Parenting: The Best Present Is Your Presence

Happy Valentine’s Day!

We express our love in many ways. Sometimes in simple ways like kisses and hugs, and sometimes in embellished ways like a romantic dinner, expensive gifts and surprise getaways.

We each express our love in different ways (The ‘5 languages of Love‘ is a great, revealing read) in an attempt to connect to the other person, but there’s a universal way that I’ll assert we all don’t do enough of:

Looking directly into the other person’s eyes.

We often look around, into the air with our hands gesturing, whilst multi-tasking, through online messages and emails instead, whilst walking or facing in opposite directions…. the list is quite long in actuality if you begin to observe the way you communicate.

Seldom do we look squarely – but gently, and lovingly – into one’s eyes. It’s a small move that delivers an immense impact: The acknowledgement of the other person’s presence.

Today, to express your love for your spouse and kids, just do this 1 thing: Count the number of times you looked them in the eye to acknowledge the amazing connection between you both that you’re blessed with this lifetime.

The best present you can give someone, is the gift of being present.

 

Conscious Parenting: The Best Present Is Your Presence

Conscious Parenting Is About ‘Bringing Forth’, Not ‘Belonging’

This poem by the wise poet Kahlil Gibran has been an inspiration and a guide ever since I was pregnant with Lia. It can be a rather shocking idea for some parents, but I hope in here you will find some truths to our role as ‘parents’. The way that we’ve learn to parent our children involves control, manipulation (no matter how creative it appears to be, or how we think we’re ‘disciplining’ them), “should”s and “no”s and “I know better than you”s. In our wanting the best for them, we take on living their lives for them unknowingly – after all, they ‘belong’ to us because they are ‘from us’, right?

That might be true biologically, but if you reference the origin of the word (Latin ‘parent’), it means ‘bringing forth’.  Nope, there’s nothing about owning them in there. Instead, it means as parents, we are tasked a role as their guardians to ‘bring them forth’ into themselves.

Here’s how Kahlil puts it elegantly:

“Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts.

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.”

~ “On The Children”, The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran

Conscious Parenting Is About ‘Bringing Forth’, Not ‘Belonging’

Conscious Parenting Holds Up The Mirror

“The conscious parent may make as many mistakes as any other, but the difference is that they are able to face those mistakes and then ask themselves,”What do these mistakes say about how I need to grow?””

~ “Myth #1: Parenting Is About The Child”, The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary

It is common for us to feel guilt, anger or sadness directed at ourselves AFTER we commit a ‘parenting mistake’. We punish ourselves for our mistakes by directing guilt, anger or shame within, but blaming ourselves doesn’t forward or grow us. In fact, indulging in such behavior is a way to let ourselves off the hook. This indulgence distracts us from being honest to ourselves, because that might be painful. Learning how we played a part in the mistake means reflecting on the thoughts and behaviors that might’ve unleashed unconsciously.

The best way to serve your child is to love yourself by getting wiser and fixing these mistakes.

Conscious Parenting Holds Up The Mirror

Conscious Parenting Is A Partnership

“At the baby’s birth, we start from level 0. Both parent and child then progress and grow, learning together, learning about each other. Even with your 2nd and 3rd child, you start from 0 again, because each child is different.”

Wise words from the beautiful Rimi Yoshida, a Body Code and Emotion Code practitioner.

As adults we see ourselves as an authority to our children… why is this so? Who gave us the authority to make ourselves the authority? We start the same time they start! From Level 0! Which makes parent and child partners instead.

Partners learn to get along with each other. Partners negotiate. Partners argue and make up. Partners love each other deeply despite differences. Partners respect each other and learn to communicate with each other.

Let’s free ourselves from getting stuck in an Authoritarian role. It is tiring and stressful to pretend to know everything. Acknowledge this partnership. Partnering is a journey that encompasses adaptability and flexibility, allowing it to be fun and fulfilling for all.

 

Conscious Parenting Is A Partnership

Conscious Parenting: Ending Of Stories

“WATCH OUT!!!” I yelled.

My heart stopped 2 beats as I watched my 3 month old dangle off the bed frame. It was a 2.5 foot drop to the floor. My Mother In Law spun around and grabbed her in time. I was breathing heavily rapidly. I wanted to pull my hair out. I wanted to grab something and shake it hard. I wanted to scream and cry. All through the day and into the night, flashes of the incident constantly replayed in my mind. “What if she had fallen off and fractured her skull? What if she had twisted her neck and died? What if she became permanently damaged?” went on and on like a broken record.

That night for the first time, Lia kept crying incessantly. It wasn’t like her. She’d usually fall asleep in 20 minutes, but tonight she was howling for no apparent reason. She wasn’t sickly, she wasn’t uncomfortable, she was sleepy for sure.

What was going on?

After 2 hours she finally surrendered and fell asleep after some really hard rocking. Still, she’d wake up occasionally and continue sobbing. I lay down beside her, events from the afternoon still replaying in my head. Maybe she’s disturbed like I am. Maybe she’s disturbed by me. Maybe she senses my internal chaos and upset. I had to let this go, move on. I was still holding on to the shock when I didn’t need to. I was still holding on to blame for my MIL. The truth is, nothing happened in reality, but the story continued in our heads (My MIL was still blaming herself).

I’m living in a past that’s passed, and a future that isn’t happening.

Soon, Lia fell peacefully asleep and didn’t wake until her next feed.

Conscious Parenting: Ending Of Stories