“The conscious parent may make as many mistakes as any other, but the difference is that they are able to face those mistakes and then ask themselves,”What do these mistakes say about how I need to grow?””
~ “Myth #1: Parenting Is About The Child”, The Awakened Family by Shefali Tsabary
It is common for us to feel guilt, anger or sadness directed at ourselves AFTER we commit a ‘parenting mistake’. We punish ourselves for our mistakes by directing guilt, anger or shame within, but blaming ourselves doesn’t forward or grow us. In fact, indulging in such behavior is a way to let ourselves off the hook. This indulgence distracts us from being honest to ourselves, because that might be painful. Learning how we played a part in the mistake means reflecting on the thoughts and behaviors that might’ve unleashed unconsciously.
The best way to serve your child is to love yourself by getting wiser and fixing these mistakes.
“At the baby’s birth, we start from level 0. Both parent and child then progress and grow, learning together, learning about each other. Even with your 2nd and 3rd child, you start from 0 again, because each child is different.”
Wise words from the beautiful Rimi Yoshida, a Body Code and Emotion Code practitioner.
As adults we see ourselves as an authority to our children… why is this so? Who gave us the authority to make ourselves the authority? We start the same time they start! From Level 0! Which makes parent and child partners instead.
Partners learn to get along with each other. Partners negotiate. Partners argue and make up. Partners love each other deeply despite differences. Partners respect each other and learn to communicate with each other.
Let’s free ourselves from getting stuck in an Authoritarian role. It is tiring and stressful to pretend to know everything. Acknowledge this partnership. Partnering is a journey that encompasses adaptability and flexibility, allowing it to be fun and fulfilling for all.
“We need to give birth to a new vision of parenting. This vision would be based on what we know about the special bond between parent and child, through which even ordinary communication is a sacrament. It would be based on the reverance for what our children can bring to us, as well as what we can bring to them.
By their light, we see what is hurt and hidden within ourselves, and we open creatively to new ways of responding to problems. Through them, we understand that parenting is a spiritual process in which we get back tenfold the love we give.
This is different from old models of parenting, which have been parent centered and based on the idea that the parent is a static figure, all-seeing and all-knowing. It is also different from newer models of parenting that are excessively child-centered and equally out of balance.
We are reaching toward a new model in which the parent-child relationship is at the center. The emphasis is on maintaining the quality of the relationship rather than serving the needs of one person at the expense of the other.
Many of us parents are entranched in our own view of the world. We don’t think of our child-rearing problems as harbingers of healing. Often what we see is disrespectful, uncooperative children who make life difficult for us.
Even when we are in conflict with them-perhaps especially then- children can give us information about ourselves that we can’t get any other way. Our children can be a light for us if we let them.
We take a step toward conscious parenting when we understand how our painful moments with our children can become a road map for our own healing journey. Follow the map, and we don’t have to walk over the same broken ground over and over again. We can find a new path.”
~ Giving The Love That Heals by Harville Hendrix Ph.D and Helen Lakelly Hunt, Ph.D.